5 Reasons People Fight About Money—And How to Stop

Reason #1: They engage in small skirmishes over the month

Q: My husband and I have a constant tug-of-war over money. What can I do?

A: Arguing over money is the number one cause of divorce in the United States, so it's important that you talk with your husband about how you are feeling before you drift further apart. Keep your conversations on the positive side; try to focus not on the mistakes of the past but on what you both can learn from this experience.

The two of you should sit down once a month to go over your finances: You can take turns paying bills. You can balance the checkbook and figure out how much money is in your accounts. You should also request copies of your credit reports from one of the three major credit bureaus (contact Equifax, Experian, or Trans Union). If you've had a hard time keeping up with your debt, my guess is that you do not have the best credit. When you and your husband look at your credit history, he'll be able to see your financial picture realistically. Once you've faced your situation, you and your husband will be in a position to end the tug-of-war and begin repairing your finances as a team.

Reason #2: They accept an "allowance"

Q: I'm a stay-at-home mom who's been married for 22 years; my husband is the sole provider in our household. Our bank accounts are in his name only, and I have no idea how much we have in checking, savings, or our IRAs. He gives me an allowance for gas and groceries, but when something else comes up (oil changes, birthday gifts, prescriptions, clothing, haircuts, doctor visits), I'm expected to cover that, too. Then I don't have enough to buy gas and groceries...so he accuses me of overspending and lowers my allowance. I feel defeated. How can we manage our finances together in a mutually respectful way?

A: Your husband has some strange ideas about equality in a marriage. But he isn't entirely to blame here. Why have you allowed him to impose this dynamic on your relationship? A child gets an allowance—you are his wife. He may be the one who earns money, but being a stay-at-home mom is a job, too. Whether it generates a paycheck is irrelevant; it delivers tremendous value to your family. The real problem is that your husband doesn't appreciate what you do, and you can't expect him to value your hard work if you're not valuing yourself. You don't have a money problem. You have a self-esteem problem.

You must demand that your name be put on every account as co-owner, and then learn exactly where you and your husband stand financially. Next, bring your husband in as an equal partner in managing the monthly spending. Sit down at the end of this month and review every bill. If he has a problem with the amount that's being spent, then it's up to him to offer plausible solutions for cutting down on expenses. This is not your problem to fix alone. It's a challenge for you both to solve—together.

By Suze Orman

..... last 3 reasons will be posted soon, I will keep you updated.